Shenpa

I used to pour every thought out of me as if my mouth were a faucet and my words were water gushing out turbulently. I still do sometimes, that's just who I am and I guess this blog is sort of that. However, I know I have turned that faucet off a bit or at least I'm learning how to trickle my words out rather than spraying it out with great force. I just recently learned the tibetans have a word for fleeting feelings turbulently being sprayed out. It's called Shenpa. Shenpa means hooked, hooked on a thought, that a person makes it tangible enough that a reaction occurs. A physical and mental reaction.

For example if someone said a hurtful comment like, mmmm? let's use something relevant. If someone that you were in love with said," I'm not in love with you, we are like oil and water we will never mix" how would you feel? Well, speaking from experience my body started to tighten and my stomach ached, I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I wanted to sob uncontrollably but I couldn't because I was at work. Then, I began to feel sadness and anger throughout my veins- that's Shenpa. I got hooked by that statement and allowed the feelings to control me rather than taking control of my feelings.

What if I reacted differently? Instead of reacting the way I did, What if I took several deep breaths and paused for a moment? I don't know how I would have felt because that did not happen. Instead I left work early that day sick to my stomach.

I just finished my book, "Practicing Peace In Times of War" by Pema Chodron and that is where I learned about Shenpa. I am currently practicing pausing before I react. It is a very difficult practice because I am so accustomed to reacting out of thin air and getting hooked by anything said to me, whether it be a compliment or an insult.

Getting that hooked feeling is not a good thing for me because I begin to run with my thoughts to places I shouldn't run and I only create anxiety, sadness, anger. So, when I am aware of that hooked feeling I take a deep breath and give that thought some space and it usually works to make that icky thought dissipate, but it is constant practice. Another skill I am pro-actively trying to practice, being consistent. It's June first a new month, a fresh clean slate so here's to practicing consistency and my Shenpa, Wish me luck!